Motherhood is often described as beautiful, exhausting, and life-changing. But beneath these familiar descriptions lies a deeper transformation—one that many mothers experience but few have a name for. This process is called matrescence, a term first coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael to describe the profound physical, emotional, and psychological shift that occurs when a woman becomes a mother.
Much like adolescence, matrescence is a transition that reshapes identity, priorities, and relationships. It is not a single moment but an ongoing process, one that ebbs and flows as a mother navigates different stages of parenthood. Yet, despite its universality, matrescence remains largely unspoken, leaving many mothers to grapple with its effects in isolation.
Understanding the Layers of Matrescence
- Physical and Hormonal Changes
The body undergoes immense changes during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum recovery. Hormonal shifts influence mood, energy levels, and even cognition. Research indicates that these hormonal fluctuations can remodel the brain, preparing it for the demands of motherhood. nature.com - Emotional and Psychological Shifts
With the arrival of a baby, many women experience a redefinition of self. The tug-of-war between their pre-motherhood identity and their new role can be both liberating and disorienting. Questions like Who am I now? or Will I ever feel like myself again? are common. This transition encompasses myriad psychological, social, cultural, and existential changes. frontiersin.org - The Changing Social Landscape
Friendships evolve, relationships with partners shift, and societal expectations weigh heavily. While some mothers find support in their communities, others struggle with feelings of loneliness, as if they exist in an in-between space—no longer who they were before but not yet fully grounded in their new identity.I’ve personally felt this shift in my friendships. Some of my closest friends, who are on different life paths, no longer resonate with me in the same way. The demands of motherhood have changed how I engage in friendships—last-minute plans are no longer possible, conversations revolve around different priorities, and the depth of understanding isn’t always there. While some friendships have grown stronger, others have faded, and that has been a difficult but necessary part of this transformation.Matrescence has also changed how I behave in the workplace. Before becoming a mother, I often found myself trying to please everyone, saying yes to extra tasks and hesitating to set boundaries. But after having children, I’ve gained an unexpected sense of confidence. I now prioritize my own work, stand up for myself, and focus on what truly matters, rather than feeling the need to accommodate everyone else’s expectations.My relationship with my husband has also evolved as we’ve learned to navigate parenthood together. We’ve had to redefine how we function as a team, understanding our individual strengths and how they contribute to raising our children. While the dynamic has changed, it has also deepened our partnership, as we’ve had to communicate and support each other in ways we never did before.
Why Matrescence is Overlooked
In many cultures, the focus after birth is almost entirely on the baby. New mothers are often expected to instinctively adapt, with little recognition of the internal shifts they are experiencing. Unlike adolescence, which is widely acknowledged as a challenging period of growth, matrescence lacks societal validation, leading many women to feel like they are struggling alone.
Additionally, discussions around postpartum well-being tend to center on depression and anxiety. While these are critical issues, they do not encompass the full spectrum of the transition. Matrescence is not an illness—it is a natural, albeit complex, evolution.
Navigating Matrescence with Grace
- Embrace the Change
Rather than resisting the shifts, acknowledge them as part of your growth. Allow yourself to grieve parts of your old self while embracing the wisdom and depth that motherhood brings. - Seek Support and Community
Surround yourself with those who understand this journey—whether it’s other mothers, therapists, or supportive partners. Finding a space to share your experiences can be incredibly validating. - Prioritize Self-Reflection
Journaling, meditation, or simply taking a few moments to check in with yourself can help make sense of the changes. What brings you joy now? What aspects of your identity feel new, and which remain constant? - Redefine Balance
Let go of the pressure to return to a ‘pre-baby’ version of yourself. Instead, focus on integrating motherhood into your evolving sense of self in a way that feels authentic to you.
Recommendations:
If you’re looking for deeper insights into this transformation, books like Motherhood by Sheila Heti and Nurture by Erica Chidi Cohen explore the complexities of identity shifts in motherhood. Many mothers find comfort in seeing their own experiences reflected in these pages.
Final Thoughts: Speaking Up About Matrescence
Matrescence is a powerful, transformative process that deserves more attention. By naming it, discussing it, and normalizing its complexities, we can help mothers feel seen and supported. If you’ve experienced matrescence, share your story—because the more we talk about it, the less isolating it becomes.
Have you felt the effects of matrescence in your journey through motherhood? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!













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